Out of my mind-back in 5 minutes…

You're late middle-aged, married and... maybe an old girlfriend (or boyfriend) has contacted you. Her voice is still remarkably similar to that of the beautiful young girl you dated ages ago. Suddenly you think maybe the grass is greener! Gotta do something before the end, right?  But before you book any plane tickets, make sure you check out a picture of what she looks like now.  Nine times out of ten you'll think she made a mistake and sent you a picture of her parents.  Suddenly, and without warning, your wife looks like an actress in a James Bond movie...

If you can't laugh at yourself...you shouldn't be allowed to laugh at anyone else.  And speaking of laughing, just remember that it's not the aptitude, it's the attitude-hey, you're unique! Just like everybody else...

My junk mail... has gone from meeting attractive singles to meeting attractive seniors.  It reminds me that we should be nice to our kids-they'll be choosing our nursing homes...

Say what?... A hustler I know, the kind who promises everything but delivers nothing, when questioned about the reality of securing the investment capital he'd been promising for so long, said, "Well, the glacier is melting, and as the water drips away, there will be a few drops that won't evaporate."  I've heard bullshit before, but never geological bullshit...

Why do the curtains in emergency rooms stop two feet from the floor? There's some information I just don't want to have...